Being a tonal language, the same word in Chinese can have many different connotations. To elucidate with an interesting example, in the Shanghainese dialect, one could say the sentence, “Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma” with certain intonations on each syllable, and it translates roughly into, “My mother Mrs. Ma wants to go somewhere.” Searching for multiple facets in other words, I have come across one that I have found to be quite interesting. But let me digress for one moment, to paint a grander picture. As an educated and well traveled reader, I am sure that you have encountered the popular new fad of boba. The simple act of adding boba (tapioca balls) to assorted ice teas and fruit drinks has been a lucrative business for those that have had the gumption and business savvy to bring this Taiwanese concoction to the states. Countless websites dedicated to the beverage along with long lines of snooty, pretentious consumers signify its vast popularity. However in my etymological pursuits, I have come across a glaring duality in the word boba that perhaps sheds some light on its sudden esteem. One connotation means exactly what I have described above: tapioca ball. But the same phrase also means “nipple.” Why is it that people are so drawn to boba? Is it because they enjoy ice tea at a mark up of 75%, solely for the privilege of drinking the aforementioned beverage while simultaneously consuming condensed pudding globes? Or is it a more primal urge, much akin to the innate call that’s sent by an infant when suckling on his/her mother?
First of all, I should state my extreme bias in my feelings toward boba. I can’t stand that shit. Every time that I have tried the drink (customarily under heavy coercion from friends or attractive women, usually the latter) I’ve found myself gagging at the slimy coating of the tapioca I despise. Furthermore, I’ve discovered my trachea’s extreme predilection for porting the balls not into the esophagus, as nature would have intended, but into my larynx, effectively choking me. My consequent hacking and spitting up usually disgusts the females that I drank the boba to appease, which leads me to believe that the act itself is counterproductive. Additionally, I have learned that unlike other animals, humans are unique in that they cannot breathe or do much of anything that manipulates their throat muscles while drinking liquids. Seeing everyone around me downing boba as if it were manna from heaven has all but convinced me to think that our species has evolved, leaving me to ponder my status as an evolutionary throwback. Then again, if you’ve ever seen Soylent Green, one part in the trilogy of Charlton Heston’s post-apocalyptic films, this also reminds me of how everyone in the picture, except Heston’s character, exclusively ate a government mandated food product called “Soylent Green”. It is only revealed later in the film (through Heston’s famous overacting) that “Soylent Green is people! It’s people!” Or rather, a slurry formed from processing human corpses into an all purpose food item. But you get the idea… If Judah Ben Hur is with me on this one, I think I can handle all the Massalas that demand my conversion to the dark side.
Casting aside my psychological and physiological aversions to boba, the fact remains that I am still intrigued by its immense popularity. To further delve into this quixotic (at least to me) fascination that so many have with the beverage, I interviewed my best friend, Norton Kim. I felt that anyone who consumes boba at least once a day would be an avid proponent of its benefits. Eschewing all examples of profanity, lewd gestures and the constant one-upping that characterizes our dyadic interactions, I still found many items of interest in his answers. Speaking about the powerful drawing effect of boba, he told me that one reason many people enjoy it is because of its fashionable novelty. I then remarked about his daily consumption, and could only assume that after a year and a half of it everyday, the novelty would eventually fade. Witnessing others with similar habits as my friend only bolstered this defense in my mind. Not in the least put off, Norton claimed that he, like other aficionados, simply liked the taste of boba. I, in response told him to be fair to those who did not appreciate the gastronomic facets of tapioca, and asked him if he had not at some point in time choked on a boba ball. Admittedly he had, in fact only an hour before this interview, while he was getting his daily fix. It was only the fact that I was actually with him when I saw him choke, that he acknowledged this gaffe.
Irritated at my careful sidestepping of his arguments, and my sarcastic reminder of boba’s homicidal propensities, Norton claimed (rather rashly in the heat of battle, I believe) that everyone could appreciate the fact that boba was a much healthier alternative to fattening drinks like milkshakes and other assorted sweets and deserts. Taking this gift much like a batting champ takes a pitch right down the middle of the plate, I asked him if this was how he kept his girlish figure, effectively hitting this taunt out of the ballpark. As an addendum, Norton, once a Rio Hondo Division defensive lineman of the year, has regrettably let his physique go, tipping the historical scales of Korean mass at 290 pounds. In response, he exclaimed, “Fuck you, bitch!” tackled me, and tried to assert his manhood by degrading me with simulated rape. Did I say that I was going to abstain from examples of profanity, lewd gestures and one-uppance? That’s funny… Freud’s lesser-known colleague and one-time partner, Carl Jung, theorized that everyone had an inherently good side, and an evil side. Repression of the evil side, even if done with good intentions, (you know what they say about those) would ultimately cause extreme psychological struggle, and only one who accepted his dark side as a part of himself would be mentally healthy. No wonder Freud totally left him in the dust. As a reader, you can see no repression in my prose, and yet I will readily admit that I am currently in contention for the Southern California Junior Neurotic of the Year.
In all honesty though, I can see the initial draw of boba. I can appreciate the ice tea and fruit smoothies that accompany the boba balls. Even the tapioca in minute amounts, that is, one ball at a time, is fairly edible. It seems that young adults and teenagers have had the most extreme proclivities towards boba. And when youth backs a product, their disposable income and lack of monetary foresight usually drives it to ring the gong of resounding success. I suppose in many ways, this new craze of boba is much like the Starbucks boom that has swept the nation in the past couple of years. These boba stores, like coffee shops have become the new cool spots. One frequents these stores to consume beverages as much as to chat, hang out, and make ostentatious shows of ordering eight dollar cups of tea, in failed attempts to impress girls. Yes, my friends really do that.
But is the beckoning of boba comprised only of the reasons that I have mentioned above? Or is it skin, or if I may apply a different body part, nipple-deep? Living in LA for most of my life, I have become acclimated to Angelenos gaudy displays of status and prestige. Also being Korean (these are the people that drive luxury cars whose monthly payments are triple that of their dilapidated apartments) I have learned the fact that our culture highly values intelligence and wisdom. But these admirable traits can always be predated by flashy displays of wealth and beauty. And so herein lies the reason that so many are drawn to boba. It’s kitschy and chic, and “with the times”, a perfect match for LA. Being the iconoclast that I am, I have decided, willingly or not, to lead an ascetic life (at least for LA standards.) The rank taste of boba in my mouth, and the choking I invariably receive from it’s slimy grip, is not only a physical reaction, but a spiritual statement crying out to be strong and reject this new fad that the army of superficiality has embraced. Or maybe I’m just really uptight because my mother never breast fed me, hence the causal reason I detest the item that shares the name of nipple. Whatever the reasons, right or wrong, based on scientific fact, or in my case, wild and outlandish theories, boba seems like it is going to be around for a while.